This week has been weird.
The time came for my husband to go back to work at the office. Obviously I knew the day would come, but I wasn’t ready emotionally for him to not be here every day. I got used to having all four of us here, every day, for the millionth day in a row. Now that he’s not here during the day, the house feels weird.
And then I realized that school is going to be starting in a month and both kids will be gone during the day (at least part of the day) as well. I’ll be here all alone most days. What am I going to do with myself?!
When businesses started opening back up after Covid has slowed down some, my husband and I decided that I wasn’t going back to the boutique I was working at. God told us that I am supposed to do hair part time and be home with the girls full time. Being a mom and taking care of the home is what I’m supposed to be doing during this chapter of life. Then we found out we were expecting baby number 3 and it all seemed right.
This week though, I have just felt like I’m worthless. Like I’m not doing enough.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m super thankful I’m not going to a full time job right now because being pregnant in the summer is just plain HOT. Wearing pants is just painful right now.
I can’t wait for fall. Bless.
I’m also super thankful that I do get to be home with my kids. Especially during the summer months. Staying up late and sleeping in is great. Not having to be anywhere at a specific time is fantastic. But I’m also struggling emotionally. Feeling useless is not how I want to feel.
I get it, I’m growing a human and raising little girls to be the best version of themselves, but am I doing enough?
Should I be out in the workforce, bringing home a real paycheck and adding to our families income?
I think this is something all moms have to deal with. The decisions we have to make.
Some moms love going to work full time.
Some moms stay home.
All power to all of us moms out there. No matter which mom you are, you’re doing a great job. Raising kids is a job we don’t get paid money for.
I know there’s no reason for me to be feeling useless. It’s all that negative self-talk that has gotten to me. We can’t allow those negative thoughts to take over. You’ll end up in a dark hole that you can’t find your way out of. I also know that I’m not the only mom out there that has battled these emotions and demons.
Maybe this post just needed to be put out there for own needs, but surely someone can relate. If you’re in the same boat that I am, you’re not alone. I’m here to help us all figure out how to get through this. If you’re a mom who has gone through this phase and have advice, please send it my way.
I’m going to do my best to make the most of these changes. Embrace the new normal, at least for right now. I’m going to do my best to choose happiness, even in the weird and unknown.
XO
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My Wildflower Life 