End of Summer

This year has been nothing but weird. Am I right?

It all started in March when the whole world just seemed to stop. We were told to stay home, work from home, do school from home. Only leave your house if you need groceries and toilet paper. You can’t go to church, to get coffee, play with friends or anything that we were used to doing on a daily basis.

It seemed like the worst thing in the world. Like the world was ending because it was just so shaken.

I got used to my husband being here every day. We had breakfast together every morning. He was here to help with the kids even though he was trying to work. We really took advantage of the fact that we were stuck in this house together, for who knows how long, decided to have another baby and really enjoyed life in between our four walls.

And then the day came that he went back to the office. I am not lying when I say I cried. It was hard to see him go back and not be here every day. Not to mention I really missed talking to another adult when he went back.

But now, we are to the night before back to school and I’m a hot mess.

Normally, by the end of summer I’m thanking God for the fact that at least one kid goes back to school. I normally like the routine and the fact that the house will be a tad bit less noisy during the day. Yes, I usually complain about how chaotic it seems when we add in all the other activities and mind you I was working a retail job last school year that added to the crazy schedule.

But this year is so different.

Right now I’m sitting here with tears running down my cheeks because both my girls go to school tomorrow. They are both leaving the house, leaving me home alone. The last six months went so fast. I don’t want to think that we took advantage of the time at home, but man I sorta feel like it.

I know a lot of people who’s lives went back to “normal” months ago and probably had these same feelings at that point, but today I’m feeling like everything is changing, yet again and I have no control.

I wasn’t anxious about sending them back to school until just this week. Now I’m questioning if we are doing the right thing by sending them back. I know they need to be social and meet new friends, but my selfishness says keep them home.

Gah, the emotions of a parent are something you can’t prepare for. Pregnant or not, I would be crying and I know for a fact that when we drop them off tomorrow I’ll have to hide my tears until they are out of sight.

To all you other mama’s out there that are going through alllll the feels, I see you. You’re not alone.