It’s been almost two weeks since we brought home our third baby and to say it’s been a whirlwind is an understatement. Between trying to figure out a new baby schedule all over again, making time for the older two- let alone finding the time to shower or run an errand- it’s been crazy. Days are going by so fast and I’m exhausted by the end.
I remember the day Mia, our middle daughter, met our oldest for the first time. Raelee walked into the hospital room at 3 years old but carried herself with such pride that I couldn’t help but cry. She was no longer my little girl. She seemed so much older. Even being pregnant for all those weeks didn’t prepare me for that feeling. That she wasn’t the baby anymore.
The same thing happened this time when we brought Gemmie home. Mia was so excited all through my pregnancy to be a big sister. She told the baby she loved her while she was inside my tummy. She talked about sharing her room with the new baby and being there when she cried. Even so, the day they met the water works broke open and honestly haven’t stopped since.
My biggest fear is that I’m not enjoying each day to it’s fullest. That I’m going to wake up in 10 years and feel regret that I missed something or rushed through these years.
Parenting is hard. Some days I feel like I’ve done a good job in the mom department, other days I know I’ve failed big time. Raising a tribe of girls, I want to be a good example. But I am human. I make mistakes. Tempers are lost. Words are said. Tears happen.
I don’t want my girls to hate me later in life, or even right now for that matter. I want them to know that I’m their mom first and friend second. That I will love them unconditionally and I pray that they love me just as much.
I went to bed last night with a heavy heart and praying for guidance. I pray that God will soften my heart, give me more patience and understanding. Raising girls is going to be a rollercoaster of emotions for all involved, but with God’s grace I know we will make it through.
Life is crazy.
When you stop and look around at your surrounding, your kids, your career, your financial situation, you can see the pure goodness from God. All the blessings. All the miracles He’s worked.
My husband and I were talking about all this last night and of course I was just bawling like a fool. It is literally impossible to not look around and be thankful.
I think it’s so important to really stop and count blessings. We pray for things that sometimes take longer to be answered. Sometimes we forget to recognize the fact that He did answer those prayers or we forget what we’ve even prayed for.
Starting on the first, I’m going to keep track or what I’m praying for, what Bible verses I read and all the things so that I can go back and really see the goodness of God.
I encourage you to do the same. Make a list of what you’re thankful for every day. Even if you can’t think of more than three things. Write something down. Same with your prayers. So what if it’s the same thing daily. You’ll see answers eventually. It’s all God’s timing.
Gah. Now I’m sitting here with tears just rolling down my cheeks. I forgot how much your hormones change after having a baby. I feel like I’m more emotional now than when I was pregnant.
Bless all the mama’s out there. May you all feel God’s hand in parenting. Know that you’re not alone and that parenting is hard for a reason. We are to raise good humans in the eye of Jesus. We are to help mold them into kind, loving, faith filled beings that shine bright with the love of God.
This is the job that means the most. This is your purpose in life. Embrace it. Love it. And grow through it.
You can do it mama, I believe in you (and me.)