to my first born

Dear Raelee,

You were brought into my world when I needed a challenge. A purpose. A new sense of love + friendship.

Finding out that God had gifted me a baby was the most terrifying, exciting thing I’ve ever been through.

My plan was never involving children. I was supposed to be the cool aunt that spoils and then leaves.

God’s plans are always better.

He gave me you.

You came into this world fast and on your own terms. Not only were you 6 weeks early, born in a city we didn’t leave, but you were a little girl.

We never found out to keep it a surprise.

And that you were.

But I knew the moment I held you, you were going to change me forever.

We spent four weeks together, bonding in the nicu. That time was long, hard, but so rewarding. I watched you grow + accomplish miracle after miracle.

You and I were going to take on the world. Together.

I wish I could say that you got the best version of me. The fun, carefree version. But you didn’t. I hope you know that I’ve always done my best. I’ve been hard on you at times because I didn’t know any better.

You’re just like me.

We butt heads because we are so much alike.

The older you get, the better our relationship gets. I see you with your little sisters and couldn’t be more proud of you.

You’re so talented at so many things. You’re stubborn, like me. But to be honest, that comes from your grandpa Borgan. We can both blame him.

I hope you see that I’m trying to be more carefree and fun. I would hate for you to grow up and resent me for being hard on you and too strict.

I’m so blessed to have you as my mini. God really did give me such a great gift 10 years ago. You changed me forever.

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