Finding Me Again

A friend on mine from high school contacted me today and asked if I would be her book reading, prayer buddy. She had told me about her postpartum depression a little, so I knew we could relate on many levels.

After my sweet Mia Rose was born, I completely lost myself. I had never felt the way I did and it lasted the whole first year of her life. I was so up and down on a daily, actually hourly basis. My poor husband probably wanted to put me in a nut house.

I never wanted to leave the house. Not just because I hated the way I looked, but because I would have to put on a front that I had my stuff together. If I stayed home, no one would know that I was falling apart. This killed me even more. I like to be social. I like to get out and see the world & the beauty around me.

A whole year went by before I even realized what this could be. I never had postpartum depression with Raelee, so I didn’t want to believe that I had it now.

I never really talked to my husband about this. I just kept saying I was fine, it will pass. I’m an emotional person. Period. I didn’t want to admit to him that I had “depression.”

Last winter, I devoted all of my reading time to self help, inspirational, & christian books. I did everything in my power to start only putting good things in my brain and in my world. I prayed for negativity to disappear, people or situations, I needed it gone. I wasn’t strong enough to deal with negative people.

I knew I wouldn’t feel better or feel like the old me right away, but I kept praying. I prayed for Kari to come back. I prayed that I could wake up, feel happy, want to get dressed, want to take on the day. I kept reading and surrounding myself with positive people. Reading a daily devotional and writing what I’m thankful for everyday is my new routine. I travel with my devotional so that I stick to it. It’s super important to me to start the day with God.

Thankfully, our family and our Advocare family have always been there to lift me when I fall. They all watched me go through this. I don’t know if they all knew what I was going through on the inside, but they were always there when I needed a positive influence.

I can now say that I wake up happy. I go to bed happy. I feel like the old Kari. I can thank God everyday for what he has given me, for providing what I need. I attend a church here in Grand Island now and I think that really helped me. I do have days that are harder than others. But now I know to stop, pray & be thankful for what I have and that usually turns my day around.

If you are going through something like this, I’m here for you. Surround yourself with positive people. Read awesome books that will help you change your mind set. Talk to GOD every day. Numerous times if you have to. Depression is a serious thing and I believe it takes more than just you to get out of it.

Hang in there love. It will get better.

I found all these books on Amazon.com

Joes Osteen: Become a Better You, It’s Your Time, & You Can, You Will

Jen Hatmaker: For The Love

Shauna Neiquist: Present Over Perfect